Where Children Learn Bullying Behaviours

Reading: Children Learn Power by Watching It Used

Children learn about power long before they can name it. They absorb lessons about who is allowed to speak, who is protected, whose feelings matter, and what happens when someone is hurt. These lessons come not from lectures, but from observation.

Children learn bullying behaviours in three main ways:

• By experiencing them directly, as targets of harm or misuse of power
• By witnessing them, watching how others are treated and how adults respond
• By learning which harms are ignored, excused, or normalised, and which are taken seriously

These lessons are shaped by many sources, including:

• Peer groups, where social status and belonging are negotiated
• Teachers and school systems, which model authority and accountability
• Family members and relatives, who influence early norms
• Family friends and community figures, whose behaviour carries implicit approval
• Digital spaces, where cruelty can be rewarded with attention or popularity

Research and lived experience indicate that nearly all students have experienced bullying by adults at some point, and bullying by teachers is a universal experience, even if it was not labelled as bullying at the time. Often, these experiences were dismissed as discipline, humour, “just the way things are,” or even good intentions.

Common examples include:

• Public shaming, such as calling out a child in front of others for a mistake, behaviour, or performance. This teaches that embarrassment is an acceptable tool of control.
• Sarcasm and ridicule, where humour is used to belittle or undermine. Children learn that mockery can be masked as wit.
• Abuse of authority, such as using power to silence, threaten, or intimidate rather than guide. This models dominance rather than leadership.
• Dismissal of distress, when a child’s fear, sadness, or discomfort is minimized or ignored. This teaches that some feelings are inconvenient or unworthy of attention.
• Unequal enforcement of rules, where expectations or consequences differ based on status, favouritism, bad grades or extra tasks for no reason, or bias. Children learn that fairness is negotiable.

When children see that these behaviours go unchallenged, they internalise strong messages about how power works. They may learn to use similar strategies with peers, or they may learn to tolerate harm as inevitable.

Understanding that children learn power by watching it used shifts the focus from blaming individual children to examining the environments and behaviours that shape them. It also highlights the importance of modelling respect, accountability, and repair—especially in moments when authority is exercised.

Summary

Children learn bullying behaviours by:

• Experiencing them
• Witnessing them
• Learning which harms are ignored or excused

Sources include:

• Peer groups
• Teachers and school systems
• Family members and relatives
• Family friends and community figures
• Digital spaces where cruelty is normalized

Research and lived experience show that nearly all students have experienced bullying by teachers, even if it was not labelled as such at the time.