When the Bullying Comes From Adults

Reading: When the Harm Comes From Authority

Bullying is often imagined as something that happens only between peers. In reality, children may also experience harm from people who hold authority or influence in their lives. This can include teachers, coaches, caregivers, family members, and friends of the family. The authority of family members and friends stems from the love that defines these relationships, a strong authority.

When harm comes from authority, it creates unique and deeply complicated challenges for children. Authority figures are typically positioned as trustworthy, knowledgeable, and deserving of respect. Questioning them can feel unsafe or inappropriate, especially in environments where obedience is emphasised, like schools. It is a crucial aspect since research confirmed bullying by teachers as a nearly universal experience of students as a victim or as a witness.

As a result, children may:

• Not feel believed, worrying that adults will side with other adults
• Fear consequences for speaking up, such as retaliation, punishment, or being labelled “difficult”
• Internalise blame, assuming they are at fault or that they are overreacting

These experiences can be confusing and isolating. Children may struggle to reconcile the image of an authority figure with the harm they are experiencing, leading to self-doubt and silence.

Parents often find these situations especially difficult. There is a strong desire to protect one’s child, combined with concern about escalating the situation, damaging relationships, or causing further harm. Knowing when and how to act requires careful judgment and a focus on both safety and long-term well-being.

Recognizing that harm can come from authority—and that it requires a different kind of response—helps parents approach these situations with empathy, steadiness, and clarity. The priority is to ensure that children feel heard, supported, and protected while navigating the complexity of power and trust thoughtfully.

Summary

Children may experience bullying from:

• Teachers
• Coaches
• Caregivers
• Family members
• Friends of the family

This creates unique challenges:

• Children may not feel believed
• They may fear consequences for speaking up
• They may internalize blame

Parents often struggle here—wanting to protect without escalating harm.